Obnoxio digs out a couple of rants from his archives for our delectation. The first is a general peeve about people who drive Renault Scenics.
Lately, however, I’ve repeatedly noticed an interesting phenomenon: it seems that one of the pre-requisites for the purchase of a Renault Megane Scenic is a severely diminished IQ and a complete inability to be decisive about anything once you’ve bought the cunting car. I’ve been amazed, it doesn’t matter if it’s a rusty old tip or a brand spanking new top of the line model, they all fucking dither worse than Arsey [long may his miserable soul rest in peace!] trying to choose a new zimmer frame. And then of course, when it comes to turning into a side road across oncoming traffic, the size of the gap required by these retarded cuntfucks is unbelievable. Even the bus driver this morning hooted at the stupid bitch to get a fucking move on.
This afternoon, my journey out of town to the old park and ride was twice fucked for a ridiculous length of time (15 minute journey took 20 — a 33% fucking increase!) by two cunting Megane Scenics. But the thought of being able to drop the roof of my car and blast home calmed me down by the time I got off the bus. Only to find that some dumb ass-felching fucktard had parked so close to my car that I could not get in. I had to remove the roof entirely (an aggravating task in an old car) so that I could clamber in from the other side. And the car that parked me in was?
A CUNTING FUCK OF A SHIT PILE FUCKING RENAULT WHOREMOBILE MEGANE SHITBAG FUCKING SCENIC!!!
Yes, well… While I don’t doubt that the incidents happened, the logic – well, lack of logic, really – doesn’t hold up.
Just under a year ago I was supplementing my bike with an ancient Mitsubishi Sigma estate. While it was a nice enough motor, things came to a head when it expired on Erith High Street in the middle of the morning rush hour. Mitsubishi were unable to identify the fault and knowing that this would probably happen again, I decided that another car was in order fairly sharply. Not least with an imminent move to France and long distance commuting back to the UK on the cards. I needed something that was decently sized, comfortable over long journeys and reasonably fuel efficient, so a diesel, then.
As I was living within walking distance of the local Renault dealer… yes, you see where this is going… I had a look at what they had in stock. As it was, they had exactly what I needed at their Weston Super Mare branch – a 1.5 turbo diesel Scenic. Right price, right car for the job. Now, according to Obnoxio’s logic at that point I ceased to be an experienced and highly qualified driver and my IQ diminished. Yes, Obo, right…
During the comments to the piece, some of Obo’s readers came out with the usual diatribe reserved for the drivers of cars in their particular hate list. This, for example, from aljahom:
Yeah – I always thought this about Scenic drivers, as with the Picassoles.
Then I had the terrible terrible misfortune of having to drive one. Damn the company hire-car scheme.
Utterly fucking awful.. 25mph feels way beyond the limit of chassis stability, so it’s no wonder these cunts drive like they’re on ice.
Also the worst ergonomics in any ‘car’ ever, before we even get to the electric parkimng brake.
So in summary, anyone who buys one of these things should be put in a bath of ebola, for their incomparable fucking stupidity.
I therefore make it my life’s work to terrorise any cunt in one of these things.
In Obo’s infamous words, the man is a weapons grade cock-end. While not liking a vehicle is perfectly fine – I didn’t like the Citröen C3 – but that was a matter of personal taste and nothing to do with the car itself. aljahom prefers to dress his prejudices up in technobabble about instability. This is pure one hundred percent cockwaffle with gold plating. If there was a problem with stability, all those millions of Scenic owners would be complaining about it. They aren’t. And, having driven over 30,000 miles in mine since last September and not having experienced the slightest twitch of instability, I have to weigh that evidence against an assertion made by a semi-anonymous Internet commenter who listens to too much Jeremy Clarkson.
Indeed, I stopped taking notice of this bollocks years ago when reading motorcycle magazines. Road testers (and what a bunch of self-important tosspots they are) would complain about a machine’s handling, or vibration or some such while screwing the balls off it on a race track. Ridden within its normal working limits, the machine was fine. Comparing their hyperbolic hogwash with my own experience of riding the machines taught me to take no notice whatsoever of people who make such assertions. Modern vehicles are generally well built, reliable and do what it says on the tin. Gone are the days when buying a vehicle was a lottery that could leave you stranded at the roadside because you bought a lemon. Yes, they do occur, but they are rare.
If you try, you can determine patterns wherever you look. There are plenty of bad drivers out on the roads, so any popular vehicle will be driven by a fair share of them. For a long time, motorcyclists were convinced that Volvos were driven by homicidal maniacs out to kill them. I could, should I wish, look for the same pattern in the Ford Focus – it’s easy if you try. Bristol Dave does it with the Ford Ka. But it doesn’t prove anything. Indeed it is the classic post hoc ergo propter hoc logical fallacy.
So, while rants like Obnoxio’s are mildly amusing for the reader, help to vent the author’s spleen and shore up the prejudices of those readers looking for an emotional crutch to justify those prejudices, let’s not kid ourselves that you can determine a driver’s ability by their choice of vehicle, because you cannot. You might just as well read the tea leaves.
Obo then goes on about motorcyclists, or more specifically, the silly public information signs warning drivers not to knock them off their bikes.
OK, here’s my peeve of the day: why is it that all the fucking nanny state road safety ads pick on cars and drivers?
Well, actually, they don’t. A ride through the peaks will be spoiled by nannying signs warning us that riding too fast is fatal. This, along roads littered with white lines and ridiculously low speed limits. Those roads are spoiled forever as motorcycling roads – and, frankly, it really, really pisses me off to be constantly nagged about stuff that, as an experienced and qualified rider, I can work out for myself.
Still, at least now I can ride better roads in France and not a silly nagging sign in sight.
I always keep a wary eye on elderly men wearing hats. They tend to be fussy, erratic drivers. Road manners are a pretty good guide to political beliefs. The red light jumpers, queue bargers and right of way pushers in are almost certainly Thatcherite “**** you I’m alright” types.
Doubtless you can elaborate this theme.
It’s all fun and games, until someone loses an eye.. 🙂
Joking about our pet hates and prejudices aside, I have to say, it seems to be true that the general standard of driving has diminished markedly in the last ten years or so.
It’s got to the stage now where I don’t assume that a driver indicating left is really going to go left until I see the car do something else (slow down, start to turn…) to confirm the stated intention.
Because I’ve seen far too many drivers with the left indicator on permanently, or indicating left, then turning right!
And, don’t get me started about indicating on roundabouts…
.-= My last blog ..When Traffic Wardens Attack… =-.
I guess as long as you are aware of some dangers it suggests you are paying some attention to your surroundings. Unlike my my current bête noire – vacuous young women driving small hatchbacks.
Which is precisely what the Highway Code says you should do.
On balance, driving standards have fallen in my opinion, yet the quality of tuition and the standards by which instructors are measured have become tougher. My conclusion, therefore is that the sheer mass of traffic and the frustration this causes is the main contributor.
Well, at the risk of contradicting my entire post…
Aunty has even had young women in snow blizzards careening into his parked motorcar!
Over here one thing IS for sure, if it’s a Jeep the guy driving (male or female) IS an asshole and ought to be in Anger Management Trainng…you know, with the shock collars?
“Road testers (and what a bunch of self-important tosspots they are) . . .”
Well, I don’t know about the tosspot bit, but self-important is putting it mildly. There are honourable exceptions – but it seems that most road-testers take themselves, and their own personal opinions, far too seriously.
.-= My last blog ..Selective omission, labelling, and the creation of fear =-.
I’ve a nice panama I wear Summers when I drive to town & AM sixty…GANGWAY, you young punks!
And opinion is all it is. It is the assertion that someone’s opinion equates to a fault in the vehicle that irritates me and why I eventually stopped reading bike magazines.
“On balance, driving standards have fallen in my opinion, yet the quality of tuition and the standards by which instructors are measured have become tougher.”
Yes, it’s odd. We should be getting better. It’s almost as if a lot of those on the road haven’t passed any sort of test…
“…Over here one thing IS for sure, if it’s a Jeep the guy driving (male or female) IS an asshole and ought to be in Anger Management Trainng…you know, with the shock collars?”
Well, that’s certainly not the case here! I drive a Grand Cherokee… 😉
.-= My last blog ..Next Time, Try ‘Milk of Magnesia’ Instead =-.
p.s. I just went over to Bristol Dave’s place, because my everyday runabout is, well, er . . . a Ford Ka.
I went through his list of stereotypes.
Female? No.
Timid style of driving? Anything but (ask my terrified passengers!)
Being almost comically fearful of roundabouts? My wife says I’m the only driver she knows who speeds up when approaching roundabouts. The aim is to take them in 3rd gear, or possibly 4th 🙂
“. . . next time you see one, take a look at who’s driving it – that’s the kind of person I’m talking about. That’s how confident I am of how widespread this stereotype is, that I can pretty much guarantee the kind of person who will be driving the Ka.”
Confident?? Guarantee?? ROFL.
.-= My last blog ..My journey to Libertarianism: 6 =-.
Indeed so. Such stereotypes are dismissed fairly easily and end up looking a bit silly.
With roundabouts, the optimum approach is to keep moving, so adjust speed and select an appropriate gear on the approach watching traffic on entering from the right and already on the roundabout – if you can take it in third, then you’ve got it about right. The same principle applies to traffic lights – adjust speed and drop a gear so that you can either stop or accelerate depending on how they change (or not).
Stereotyping is fun and we all do it, but I certainly concur that its the sheer volume of traffic that’s the problem. That and decades of wilful neglect of the roads combined with a spiteful determination to block and obstruct the ones we have.
For me it’s speed. I really don’t care what people do on the road (or drive) as long as they do it at a reasonable speed. Don’t signal, pull out in front etc. I think “cunt” and ten seconds later have forgotten. But when you find a perfectly good road blocked by some self righteous arsehole utterly determined to teach the mile of traffic behind them how to drive. Even worse when in the outside lane of a perfectly good dual carriageway.
You know exactly what I mean and if you don’t you’re probably one of them. If you’re thinking “I do that”, I would respectfully point out that you are not some bubble of zen calm in a mad world. You’re the ubercunt that’s making everybody else mad!
Stop it, please! Would another ten mph on a good dry A road really cause your heart to stop? Would it really be a surrender to the all pervading degenerate impatience of others to pull over once in a while to let them pass?
There are a depressingly large number of people driving cars who clearly resent being “forced” to do so and take this out ont he “maniacs” they see all around. Here’s an idea: get rid of your cars and create the demand for the “good public transport” that you seem to feel is a right and leave the roads to those of us who actually like cars
PS I have no problem with bikes whatsoever. Can’t remember the last time I was stuck behind one doing 40. However, I would point out that pretty well all cars have blind spots and its not a good idea to hide in them.
I’ve happily driven automatics for the last few years, and forgetting about gear changes is bliss.
The problem with road testers is the same as with all journalists. They are obliged to fill X column inches every week/month without fail or they lose their jobs. Further, what they write is expected to be entertaining. Since most of the time there isn’t really much to say, they end up exaggerating, sometimes to the point of making things up.
In as much as driving standards are falling (and I’m not wholly convinced) I would say it is the increasing emphasis on following rules (particularly the speed limits which were designed for cars of the thirties, except on motorways when we get up to the sixties) rather than developing judgment. It may make the beginner safer- but he remains a beginner far longer.
Dawdlers really, really irritate me. I was taught to make progress – that means travelling at the optimum speed for the conditions and the vehicle’s capabilities. If you dawdle on a driving test – whether the L test or an advanced test, you will fail and quite rightly too.
As for lane discipline, one of the beauties of driving in France is that their lane discipline is so good. They indicate, they move out, they get on with it and then get back in.
The Sigma was an auto. The first few junctions with the manual Scenic were interesting. I must admit, doing the best part of 40k miles per annum, I’m seriously thinking about an auto again when I replace it.
I would concur with this point. The whole emphasis in recent years has been to distance the driver form personal judgement and responsibility. That’s why I support the principle of shared space and removing white lines and road furniture.
“The whole emphasis in recent years has been to distance the driver form personal judgement and responsibility.”
SatNavs are the devil. I have to travel every so often by taxi about seven miles through central London to hospitals. There are various possible routes, and the most traffic free are not the most direct. If a driver is sensible, and knows a favourite way, it is OK. But if they don’t, and you try to tell them which way you prefer, they say “Oh, but I don’t know that way” and glue themselves to their SatNav which takes them down Edgware Road to Marble Arch. Almost invariably this route is jammed solid and the journey takes twice as long as it needs to. I could cheerfully strangle them.
On balance, driving standards have fallen in my opinion
Yet the numbers killed and injured seemly are falling while the numbers of those using the roads are rising. Go back 10, 20, 30 + years and there were more killed and injured and fewer vehicles on the road…..
While obviously you’re right about most roadtesters, I do seem to recall Clarkson getting a bit of stick for pointing out on TV that the original A-class had a tendency to tip over under hard cornering, only for Mercedes to belatedly admit it themselves.
Personally, my pet hate is Audi drivers, and particularly Audi TT owners. Attractive as the car may be, the drivers round my way appear to fall completely into 2 groups – those who constantly tailgate, and those who seem to think the car has one speed (50) and that this is what they should whether the limit is 30 or 60. I have come to conclusion that the TT is in fact an abbreviation, and should in fact be T’T.
Just under a year ago I was supplementing my bike with an ancient Mitsubishi Sigma estate.
Bad move.
.-= My last blog ..[late evening listening] not even the chair =-.
“As for lane discipline, one of the beauties of driving in France is that their lane discipline is so good. “
And so is the quality of their roads! While over here, even suburban streets look like moonscape…
“Yet the numbers killed and injured seemly are falling while the numbers of those using the roads are rising. “
Cars are better designed now, particularly the larger, top end cars, and particularly from a front-end collision. Look at the recent joyrider crash in Manchester – the two women in the Ford Fiesta they struck from behind are dead, while the five joyriders in the Mercedes are all fine.
Pity…
.-= My last blog ..Next Time, Try ‘Milk of Magnesia’ Instead =-.
I like satnavs – they make my life easier. That said, like any tool, they have to be used sensibly and on occasion, ignored.
Voyager, I am with Julia on this one – engineering has made vehicles much more accident resistant, compensating for poor driving. Tailgating and poor lane discipline has definitely burgeoned with the amount of traffic on the roads. The question is (and I don’t know the answer) what difference is there in the rate of accidents irrespective of outcome?
Julia, the French motorways are mostly toll roads – so what you pay for them goes directly into the maintenance. Would British drivers be prepared to pay similarly, I wonder? I would. Of course, there should be a corresponding ditching of the road fund licence – more of which on my post today.
I remember as a small boy the London cabbie telling me how he had to KNOW how to go anywhere AND pass a test about it, before being licensed to haul around any woskers for hire.
So au contraire M Longrider, what I want to know is how ever did I manage to drive anywhere before SatNav?
Here in southern Minnesota, “us old guys” laugh it up “to beat Hell” at these fool young farmwers with their GPS gear:
“Anybody who needs that God-damn thing to tell him to turn around at the end of the field IS a God-damn FOOL!”
Ever tried reading a map on a motorcycle? Especially when navigating French cities? The SatNav was a godsend.
I reckon /I’d/ stop and pull over and practise my embarrassingly (!) bad (!) French (?) on the ladies & look at my maps. Note: maps. They are a passion as is anything /on paper/. I’ve collected them since I was a Cub Scout. Once, to bamboozle some people in San Francisco in 1972, I hauled out a map of Minneapolis while asking directions and made like I was finding my way…and, so help me, did! Anyway, I expect map-reading at full suck after third change up is about on all fours with texting or something, I guess I would stop the John Deere /or/ the Brough BEFORE piling into the ditch….
(My brother-in-law and nephew do horseback compass & line-of-sight orienteering up in the Eagle Lake country thirty miles North of here, so I expect the whole boiling is off!)
I like paper maps too – but using them on the move is impractical. Having to stop and dig it out is at best inconvenient at worst, impossible when you are in the middle of a busy city. Having a moving map on the dash makes life infinitely better. So, I plan on paper and use the rolling map on the road. It’s a tool. It makes navigating simpler – and, because I can watch the road and listen to voice prompts when using route setting, safer. Even when not using route setting, the reminders of speed cameras is a useful benefit. Not that I’m breaking the speed limits, oh, no…