I must be a bit slow. Or perhaps I’ve just been too close to the action. There’s no excuse really as I’ve seen it before and recognised it for what it was. Indeed, I have intervened on behalf of the victim. So why didn’t I see it coming?
Since starting my part-time job, I’ve hated it. But as I’m stuck with it, I’ve mucked in and made the best of it. I am not, apparently performing well enough. I don’t get through enough goods in the allotted time – this despite the fact that my shift finishes an hour after my colleagues and when I’ve done, the work is completed.
On the scale of management, this individual is way along the directive end and seems to think that constantly hassling someone over their performance will improve matters – well, not someone, me because I am the only one in the firing line. It doesn’t. What it does do is make that person nervous and irritable because they are being singled out for a constant stream of negative criticism. On and on it goes. So, I forget things and then am criticised again, so I’m on edge, make more mistakes and the vicious cycle is complete. The beast feeds voraciously on itself.
Now, with some management experience behind me, you would think that I could deal with this. So did I. I am more than capable of standing my ground. But all those tools in my armoury just don’t work. This man has no interest whatsoever in what I am saying – indeed, it is plain that he is not even listening. I am a poor performer who makes mistakes and that is that. No explanations from me are necessary and they are only excuses when proffered. I almost began to believe him, such is the corrosive effect of the bully.
Except… I had a one-to-one with another manager a couple of weeks back and was told that my performance was fine. He had no problems. Sure, I’m not the fastest on the block, but he was happy for me to be a “steady Eddie” as I got the job done. I mentioned this yesterday morning, but, again, the figures are waved in front of me – I am not performing. Yet, no account is taken of the fact that I was moved from job to job, leaving the original one only partially completed, which was why it was behind schedule, it was why I forgot the roller full of stuff to go back into store. Excuse, excuses, I’m told and so it goes.
About fifteen years ago, Mrs L experienced something similar. Constant drip feeding of negative feedback to the point where she doubted herself, lost her self confidence and became a nervous wreck. She had a nervous breakdown and spent six months off work. I understood intellectually, but couldn’t appreciate what was going on in her head (why couldn’t she just stand her ground? Why couldn’t she answer back?). And, of course, the manager involved could always point to his evidence, because, yes, she had made mistakes. The workplace bully is often very wily. I watched one in action when I was a signaller. And, yes, the victim had made a mistake and yes, when being closely monitored made more and yes he reached a point where he had difficulty functioning because he was so agitated – but, it was there for everyone to see; the evidence of his incompetence. On that occasion, a couple of us spoke to one of the supervisor’s colleagues and he had a quiet word and the bullying stopped.
So, you would think I would be able to deal with it when it happened to me. Certainly I’m shocked to realise that it is happening – good God, haven’t I been round the block once or twice? But then, one chap I knew went through it and he was in his late forties. Lost all his confidence and failed his rules exams even though he was perfectly capable of passing them with flying colours. He just needed an excuse. Now he’s like a pig in shit as a train manager.
You would think that I would have picked up on it immediately. But, no, I am in the same state Mrs L was all those years ago; dreading going into work and constantly looking over my shoulder, worrying if I’ve missed something or done something wrong. Because, you know, I will have, I always do. There is always something that can be found.
Yes, he says, if I’m not happy, I can speak to HR. Of course I could. And what evidence do I have? None and he knows it full well. And what does he have? A list of minor errors and poor work…
The sooner I am out of that place, the better.
Nasty, we have a manager like this, he used to supervise my box and the very first time I met him he tried to shout me down when I demurred over some daft plan he had to block up the windows, I just told him not to be so aggressive and let me make my point, he backed down because he was dealing with someone with more experience and knowledge than him and after that he was OK with us. However now he’s managing a different area with a number of people newish to the job, he behaves exactly as your manager does and is universally hated. I don’t know how you can deal with this but how do your co-workers regard him ? You need people to stick together in a situation like this, does he have any weak points himself ? Often this kind of thing is driven by a well deserved feeling of inferiority, might be an idea to probe for them. I think you’re right though, getting out is the best answer ( with a few choice words in his direction when you go ), hope things improve soon.
Get a little note book and pencil.Take it out and write down what he says “So I won’t forget”.That’ll give him something to ponder.
Bullies only understand one thing, complete mastery.
A secluded spot, punch the twat but first rumple your shirt front then claim self defence.
Remember he is the (known) bully you are the (known) bullied, if it came to a case of your word against his I suspect that witnesses could be found to bat for your side – the alternative is to grin and bear it.
K-POW
You might want to mention to him during a “quiet time” that you know (on good authority) what he has on his home/work computer, hidden away where he thinks no-one will find it (a wink at this point normally works well). Chances are, with his type you’ll be right and even if its pretty mundane stuff, he’ll be worried. Works well in my experience. Everyone hides something and the bully hides more than most.
Sorry to hear this, man. Try not to let him get to you, which will only encourage him. Next time he starts, imagine him straining on the kazi with constipation.
What Thornavis said. Hope you find something else soon and in your situation I’d be telling people I could start tomorrow.
AE – if I am made an offer, that is exactly what I’ll be doing. They can stuff their four weeks notice where the sun don’t shine.
In the longer term the note book idea is probably the best – not least, I can use that should I need to. Violence might seem satisfying, but it’s not an option. Besides, I’m just not a violent type.
As for my colleagues, the only one who seemed to notice anything amiss left rather suddenly himself a couple of weeks back. The others aren’t on the receiving end and we don’t get much time to talk anyway.
If you walk he’s won.. again. No, the best way to deal with one of these types is to get into their head and mess it up a bit. Ignore his complaints, find as much stuff that aggravates him as possible and keep doing it, always with a smile. Sooner or later he’ll make a mistake, and that’s when you pounce. Play within the rules – but not his rules, then you are untouchable no matter how poor your performance because it would be illegal to sack you for not being quick enough as long as your job is done within quality standards. Tell him, verbally, the next time he starts that he’s mistaking you for someone who gives a shit and just stonewall him. Of course, if all else fails you can always give him a good car parking, outside of work hours at home time and off the premises. And if possible, join a union. Oh, and it may help if there is a way you can record your conversations with him, perhaps on a mobile phone. Its surprising how these people can incriminate themselves.
A couple of years ago, using these same tactics I bought down a team leader and the supervisor he plays golf with as well. His mistake was to think he’d won, and he playfully threw a pair of gloves at me. So I playfully filled in a near miss form. The supervisor threw the form in the bin, which is a big no no, so I bought the union down on the both of them and got HR involved. Try it. It works.
No violence. That doesn’t really work, in this day and age outside of the military.
Take it one day at a time.
Do your work. Do your target. No more and no less. Don’t talk to him, don’t give him excuses.
That gives him no ammunition for one day.
The next. Do the same. Give him no ammunition.
Close your head to the crap he is giving. It’s actually quite easy.
If’s he’s ranting – just look at him and think – “You know what, mate? You are a fucknut. I am only here because I need to be. I will only be here as long as I need to be. Then I am gone. YOU are here because I am better than you.”
And then smile to yourself. Because you know that you WILL leave eventually, and he won’t. Or can’t.
Oh you don’t need violence LR. Just the threat of violence.
Over the years I have learned to do menacing very well. Not aggressively, just a quiet word in the ear in a measured tone. And I’m not a big lad, quite the opposite.
I worked with just such a bully in the late seventies during my student years. Back then it was more than nit-picking but also verbal insults and he once grabbed me by the shirt.
I waited in the carpark after work, walked up to him, looked him in the eye and in a very calm voice told him in no uncertain terms that if he didn’t leave me alone, I would rip his face off.
He left me alone.
Or you could just use the line out of Toy Story (I’ve found this goes down a treat): You are a sad, strange, little man. And you have my pity. Farewell.
Then just turn around and walk away.
Sympathies LR, and yes, been there, done that, and got the bloodstained T shirt.
While it can be that the person concerned is simply a nasty piece of work, it’s usually symptomatic of extreme insecurity and micromanagement on the part of the supposed manager. Also symptomatic of the fact that the person is not in any sense a manager.
Whether it is Peter Principle/innate lack of ability, lack of clear guidance/objectives, or lack of training/education on the part of the supposed manager is something for you to ponder.
The notebook is a good idea, noting every over-ride and deviation from ‘normal’ workflow, and it’ll help highlight any overlooked items
The military ‘dumb insolence’ might be useful as well, if documented in the notebook. Simply do immediately and without comment or argument, exactly what you’re told to do, rather than what was intended, and suspending whatever you were doing before?
My sympathies – difficult situation. It sounds like conditioning by repetition. The comment by sexton “get a little notebook and pencil” is surely worth a try.
I know exactly what you mean. Though it hasn’t happened to me in a long while.
I had a manager similar to this at the beginning of the year. A passive-aggressive bully, he was very into blame-showering and abdicating all responsibility and pressure to those working under him. He frequently had a colleague of mine in tears and despite my best efforts and my own self-confidence, he did dent my self esteem and made working somewhere that I thought would be a great place to work into a miserable hole.
When he had a go at me, my first strategy would be just to be very passive, and agree with him. But that didn’t work – merely fed his rampant ego. So then I took him apart – in a long, fraught conversation I rebutted every claim he made about me and destroyed his management style. His response? “I’m in power here and I’m thinking about sacking you.” In the event I did the only thing I could – jumped before he got around to pushing me.
Unfortunately these people are often impossible to deal with, and the best thing to do is get out. However I do take some comfort from the fact that some of my former colleagues are saying that his scorched earth approach to management is starting to cause him serious problems…
TNL
I had similar experiences, but more from other trades within the company. I stuck it for 3 years, but eventually quit. I ended up going back (I needed the money), and found things somewhat better. I suspect that the act of leaving surprised them and then gave me a grudging respect. I managed another 2 years before jumping again…
What I find a bit odd about your story is the “word” you had with another manager. Surely if he is happy with your performance this must give you some leverage? The place I worked at (at the time) gave scant regard to HSE and general employment laws, but in this day and age workplace bullying is meant to be a serious matter.
The subject of unions was also mentioned – I know they are generally regarded as a bunch of dinosaurs and completely unnecessary, but this is the sort of thing they are good at, they have to be as their wage negotiation abilities are not what they were. I would venture to suggest that non union companies are far more likely to have the sort of low life you are describing, throwing their weight about. They get away with it because no individual employees are brave enough to tackle them.
microdave
You make a reasonable point about the role of unions, that’s their proper function, to stick up for the workforce and provide practical and psychological support. However my own job ( railways ) is heavily unionised and the manager I described in my first comment has suffered no retribution, so it isn’t a foregone conclusion that the union will be able to prevent bullying. Actually I found out today, coincidently, that he is related to someone who used to be very high up in the management hierarchy, which would certainly explain how such an incompetent got the job in the first place. This is one of the most frustrating things about these people, not just bullies but useless ( and in this man’s case potentially dangerous ) bullies as well.
Violence only works if there are no witnesses. So make sure there aren’t any. Not the violent type LR? Then hit the bugger with a lump of wood or start with a good kicking in the cobblers.
Sadly, bullies aren’t all cowards, but violence does seem to be a language that they all understand.
Just remember to go straight to management and claim self defence – preferably the guy who says he has no problem with you. Yes, that’s right, I’m advising you to lie. The bully will, so don’t forget to accuse him of lying, even when he tells the truth.
Don’t rely on “workmates” for any sort of support – even if they fully agree with you in private, they will never back you up. They don’t want to be the next to be bullied.
Unions do work, but first you have to join one. I could speak from experience here, but signed a legally binding document not to discuss my own case – so I won’t. Sorry.
Remember that adults act just the same as kids in the playground – this includes the bully.
Good luck!
“I am not, apparently performing well enough. I don’t get through enough goods in the allotted time.”
I suspect this is bullshit – on their part, I mean. I’ve worked for the same supermarket (thankfully, many years ago) and the exact same thing happened to me. They use this tactic to get rid of the people who don’t fit in – normally the ones with a bit of spirit. They just want broken slaves, that’s all.
Chuckles and TNL have nailed it precisely. The ethos of the company is highly directive micromanagement from the top down. The company is institutionally incompetent, frankly. When I tried to explain to this guy about management styles and adapting them to suit circumstance and individuals I simply got blanked – everyone gets managed the same because they are all part of the same team. If that is their idea of people management, then they should be asking for their money back from the cretin who trained them.
Michel, you may have a point. That said, I’ve never set out to make waves. But right from the start, there was friction between myself and this character. I usually get along with people in a work environment and am usually placid, so it came as something of a surprise.
The game he plays though, is to have impromptu one-to-ones; that way there are no witnesses. The paperwork doesn’t go to HR and the other manager hadn’t seen any of them either.
As for unions. Not recognised. They have an employee council, but that is about as useful as the proverbial chocolate firegurad.
All I know is I worked my guts out and still had to leave. And the conversations I had with the management were utterly ridiculous. They can’t – or refuse – to understand simple logic.
Tell me about it. I was speaking in simple enough terms, but might as well be speaking Martian for all the good it was doing.
Mmm. You could always ask the question “Are you going to fire me?” Next time he tries it on. Drop the ball firmly in his court. Contact HR directly and ask if any complaints have been made against you. Nothing more. That knowledge (and a little selective bullshit) will prove your best and greatest ally.
You aren’t entirely powerless here. The trick is to make the system work for you because there are rules to protect employees, even without a Union. Another thing to work for you is that you aren’t exactly dealing with superior minds here. They wouldn’t be in retail otherwise.
Just because you’re down on your luck doesn’t mean some dickless bastard can use you as a doormat. 👿
On top of my advice in an earlier post LR, if you feel you have no choice but to leave, find some way of recording what he says to you as much as possible, even if its by the notebook method. Note down times, dates and details of every incident, then when you do leave, take the bastard to a tribuneral for CONSTRUCTIVE DISMISSAL.
“Unions not recognised”.
So fucking what?
Just bluff and bluster.
You would still have the best possible representation for around a tenner a month.
Employment law is quite clear that you have the right to be represented by a Union if you so wish. They cannot stop you joining one (although best not to tell anyone until you need the Union to help you).
If it comes to any disiplinary hearings (which by LAW it should)then you simply tell them that you will be represented by your Union. Then sit back and watch the show.
Remember, it’s first hearing, verbal warning, second hearing,written warning, third hearing, final written warning, dismissal. And you are entitled to take someone (anyone you want) into each hearing. If they do not follow this, then they are setting themselves up for giving you big time compo’ at the tribunal.
Get in there first. Report him to HR for bullying, sexual harrassment and racial stuff. He was making remarks about other staff memebers and when you objected he started to bully you.
Make notes, back date them and make them juicy.
Get others to step forward as well if you can.
I have to echo those such as Maaarrghk and Lord T who advocate counter attack. I know it’s easy to tell other people to be more assertive when you aren’t in that position yourself and it may feel as though you are sinking to his level but I think it’s your best option. I know someone who is doing just this, although in her case she should have been sacked ages ago as she’s useless but she knows exactly how to work the system and runs rings round the management who are too timid to stop her. It might as well be one of the good guys who does this sort of stuff for a change.
Some good advice floating around up there LR. Just to echo and reinforce what Ripper and others say, one of the best things you can do, is ‘out paperwork’ them.
Firstly, study your job description very carefully. Every time you’re asked to do something, note it down. Is it in your job description? N.B. Do not refuse to do it if it’s not covered, just note it down.
Have you had, or should you have had, training on the particular task? Does the company offer any sort of training on the particular task, and have you attended, or been offered the training? Note it down.
Every time you are interrupted in your work for Micro-management 101, note it down, with the duration. Every time you are taken off 1 task to do another, note it down. Every minor safety infringement (e.g. No safety gloves/face mask/googles available for a 5 second task that requires them), note it down.
You’d be amazed at the ammo you will have within a couple of days, and in an org like that, HR will roll over instantly if there is any ‘unpleasantness’.