Kate Johnson writing in the Telegraph ponders on the pressure put on childfree people:
I’ve never wished that I had children, and my childless friends have never expressed regret, either. Some people won’t accept that. At a hen party I sat peeling off my Chanel Rouge Noir from all 10 fingernails under the table while listening to endless baby chat, wishing I was somewhere else. I was definitely the odd one out – excluded from a club I had no wish to join. Julia turned to me and, mistaking my boredom for wistfulness, and having already established I was childless, patted my knee and said, ‘You’ve got all this to look forward to!’ I said, ‘I don’t think so!’ with forced jollity. She responded, ‘Oh, you’re just not ready yet!’ Others have ‘consoled’ me with, ‘Don’t worry, it’s because you haven’t met the right person,’ or, ‘You’ve still got time.’
‘But I have met the right person!’ I want to shout. ‘And I still don’t want to have a baby!’
My brother, a devoted father of three, says that it’s because I don’t want the responsibility; he’s partly right. My cheery mum keeps a flame of hope resolutely alive. The last time we talked about it, she said, ‘I just think you’d love to have a dear little baby.’ I said not, and that I didn’t feel I was missing anything, and was very happy with everything just as it was. ‘Hmmm,’ she said, and then, cheerfully, ‘Have you thought of any names? I like Gabriel for a boy!’ I feel sorry that Mum’s missed out; she would have loved it.
I’ve heard about this type of pressure from family and friends, but never experienced it. When Mrs L and I married, there were a couple of veiled comments about the patter of tiny feet from the more distant relatives. The closer ones knew better. We both made it clear from the off that we were not having children. Twenty one years later we are perfectly happy as we are and no one makes the kind of silly remarks Johnson has been fielding.
Interesting…
That may be because mothers are far more likely to do pester childless women that fathers are to pester childless men. You’d have to check with Mrs L.
Once you are old enough, I guess people leave you in peace anyway.
Mrs L’s experience is the same as mine.
“Twenty one years later we are perfectly happy as we are and no one makes the kind of silly remarks Johnson has been fielding.”
The reason is simple. You are much better at choosing your friends! š
It’s rampant idea through society. Just think about the opposition you face when you say why should I “Mr Child Free” pay for other people’s kids.
“Just think about the opposition you face when you say why should I āMr Child Freeā pay for other peopleās kids.”
Mr Child Free was himself a child once, surely? So others paid for him in the past, and now he pays for others. If Mr Child Free fancies repaying as a lump sum all the child benefit, free state education and so on that he received as a child, then he would be morally entitled to ask for a tax cut in future. Or he could just gradually repay that lump sum by paying slightly higher taxes.
What also incurs to me is that Mr Child Free would also be morally bound to waive his state pension entitlement, seeing as that is paid out of other people’s children’s taxes.
“occurs”, obviously.
Not unless the previous generation who benefited from his payments are obliged to pay him back…
the woman who thinks it important to tell us about “peeling off my Chanel Rouge Noir” will probably only ever think of herself and so would not make a mother, merely a woman who had a child. No great loss to the human race.
A point she seems to be aware of – even if her friends aren’t.
My eyes always glaze over whenever people start talking about their children. When they prattle on about little Tysons latest finger painting my dryly ironic ‘Clearly a prodigy’ elicits only beaming pride -sigh-.
Usually I don’t get any of the comments the writer experiences. Most of my friends are also childfree and our family understand that we don’t have any maternal/paternal feelings even if we could afford them. Assorted siblings have provided the necessary grandchildren already.
“What also incurs to me is that Mr Child Free would also be morally bound to waive his state pension entitlement, seeing as that is paid out of other peopleās childrenās taxes.”
Splendid idea, Mark. Can we also waive our contributions to state funded maternity, obstetrics, childcare, social services, education and welfare for those children?
Sounds like a fair deal!
You will miss the pleasure of a little shortrider talking to you in perfect french, knowing that you will never aspire to such heights and thinking, why the fuck did you have such precocious bastards who make you feel so inferior. C’est la vie!!
I’m sure I’ll get over it… š