Anyone who has ever tried to get a tablet down a cat’s throat will have some idea of how our morning went today. We had to have the vet over to administer worm and tick treatment for eleven cats prior to the journey back to Blighty tomorrow.
The cats are fine…
I used to find that the element of surprise helped. Fairly easy with one of them, but could be tricky with 11…
How to give a cat a tablet –
Pick the cat up and cradle in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into it, allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind the sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call partner in from garden. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get partner to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from the foil wrap. Make note to buy a new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered ‘Dolton’ figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. Wrap cat in large towel and get partner to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat’s mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
Check label to make sure pills not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply plaster to partners forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. Retrieve cat from neighbours shed and get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon and flick pill down throat with elastic band.
Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road and apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid the cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. Tie cats front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed and pry cat’s mouth open with a small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by a large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour a pint of water down throat to wash down pill.
Get partner to drive you to the Emergency Room and sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearms and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call at furniture shop on way home to order new table.
Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat. Ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How to give a dog a tablet –
Throw it in the air.
Say “Catch”
We just crumbled it up and mixed it with the most expensive cat food we could find, mind you it helped that the poor old thing was well, old (but note the use of first peron plural just the same…)
One cat, four pills, twice every day? I have more holes in me than a sieve. And putting them in any form of food has never ever worked. Any self-respecting cat eats round them…unless they’re stray and literally starving.
But 11? There’s a challenge. Did they gang up on you? Visions of vet being eaten alive by 11 feline demons.
The element of surprise was gone after the first one. We had to hunt them down one by one. All three of us have the wounds to show for it. We are also having to keep them indoors until the removal van arrives tomorrow morning otherwise some of them will have gone walkabout, so they are going stir crazy.
We used one of those ‘syringe’ type dispensers – you clamp the pill to the top, insert into mouth & use the trigger release. The vet, of course, made it look easy…
How are you transporting 11 back? In 11 separate pet carriers, or one of those giant cage-type transporters?
Largish cages with two or three to a cage. The removal truck is a converted horse-box and the cats have the front compartment.
I hope you wore full leathers and gloves for the cat pill giving.
One of my cats was wormed at the vets the other day, as JuliaM says she made it look easy. Still never mind that, what I want to know is how do you get matted up burrs out of the arse end fur of a very long haired cat ? She is gentleness itself until I start delving into her nether regions and although she hasn’t actually scratched me to death yet I know she wants to. I’ve given up trying to comb them out and scissors are no use as trying to hold onto a gyrating cat with one hand whilst wielding a pair of scissors with the other is a recipe for disaster, probably to me.
The only way we have managed is with two of us and scissors. The vet uses an electric razor.
For the knotted bum fur our vet recommended stroking with a latex washing-up glove (the kind with ridges for grip) but our cat hates that too…
Show no fear. Difficult when the fluffy thing in your grasp wants to kill you but this is why vets make it look easy.
We used to try all sorts of nonsense including wrapping them up in towels, now I just pin the buggers down and shove the pill down their yaps.
Oh, THAT kind of tablet.
I had visions of you wrestling your cat to swallow an iPad.
Now that would be interesting…