There’s only one way to find out.
The stay-at-home mother and her husband had planned to attend a cousin’s wedding but had to skip when their child care fell through at the last minute, according to CNN affiliate WCCO.
The invitation specifically said “no children,” so the couple stayed home.
A few weeks later, an invoice from the newlyweds arrived for the wedding meal they missed.
“I was pretty shocked to see that I was being charged $75 for herb-crusted walleye and a service and tax charge,” Baker told WCCO.
This is similar to the dad who got billed when his child didn’t attend a birthday party a while back. Thing is, no loss occurred. Sure, it was bad form not to let the host know, but the reasoning for not doing so was fair – they figured that the bride and groom would be otherwise busy and they could make their excuses later.
So far, so bad. But it gets worse. The recipients of the invoice then go to FarceBook and publish their grievance.
So, which is worse? Tough call.
Sending a bill to no-shows is a definite faux pas, according to Daniel Post Senning, co-host of the “Awesome Etiquette” podcast and great-great-grandson of manners expert Emily Post.
Updating Emily Post for the Internet age
But making your grievances public through “social scolding” only makes things worse.
“Airing grievances and responding to one wrong with another is really how problems get amplified,” Senning said.
You don’t say?
“Thing is, no loss occurred.”
Well, that’s not necessarily true, though, is it? If the bride and groom had had to fork out $75 per couple to the caterers, based on the number of guests that they told the caterers would be coming, then they are $75 dollars out of pocket, surely? Not that that excuses billing the absent couple, which is incredibly small-minded and penny-pinching. I’m no child-worshipper by a long chalk, but having stipulated “no children” on the invitations (a sentiment with which I can entirely sympathise), the absent couple hardly had any option but to miss the wedding under the circumstances, did they? I wonder if they would have been billed if, for example, one of them had had an accident and had to spend the day being stitched up in hospital.
That said, the absent couple have completely lost the moral high ground with a self-righteous public display of foot-stamping which is just as bad, when a short note, apologising for not turning up (and for not at least trying to let the hosts know) and politely refusing to pay said bill, but maybe offering to meet the couple for an evening out, “our treat” style, as a way of making amends (and maintaining good relations) would have been a much more diplomatic solution.
But hey, these are Americans we’re talking about here! What have they ever known about “form” or good manners? Of course they don’t know how to handle a tricky situation like this one without leaping to the defensive – this is a race of people who often don’t even bother to say “good-bye” at the end of a phone call!
What Barman said. Also, hosts should always factor in and budget for a proportion of no-shows because things happen at the last minute.
The only way that the $75 could have been saved would have been if the couple had declined the initial invite. However, they intended to attend, but had to change their plans at short notice.
The children’s party incident that was similar to this happened in the UK.
Hence my post title.
” If the bride and groom had had to fork out $75 per couple to the caterers, based on the number of guests that they told the caterers would be coming, then they are $75 dollars out of pocket, surely? ”
No, surely they have spent the $75 anyway… it matters not if the couple turn up and eat it, turn up and don’t touch it or no-show…
Don’t American invitations request ‘RSVP’?
See my previous comment.