I remember the September of 69 vividly as I moved to a new school having failed my 11 plus. That was where I met my first love.
One of the rules of the school was that if we cycled, then we had to complete the cycling proficiency test. While we were waiting for everyone to arrive, I saw her walking across the playground and I was immediately captivated. I was also painfully shy and tongue tied. It took me weeks to finally pluck up the courage to talk to her, let alone ask her for a date. But we did. Being the great romantic, I took her to see The Battle of Britain that had recently been released. Every time I see that film on television, I think of her.
Due to the rise of social media, I bumped into her online a couple of years back. She remembers me in the same way I remember her and she thinks of me when she sees that film. As then, we have a lot in common, but also, there are stark differences. I remember a few weeks before the move to Wales, she asked why we had appeared to drift apart and I didn’t really have an answer. The reality was that while I am organised and want firm commitments, she was always vague and difficult to pin down, so I stopped trying.
Most people do not reunite with their first love, of course.
I did. When we met, some fifty years later, I had that answer. I always felt that my feelings for her were deeper than hers for me. I was the one doing the running, making suggestions, while she seemed indifferent. She never married. She came close, she said, but nothing came of it. People don’t really change. Since we met up and she enthusiastically hopped on the bike for a ride out, and told me that she would love to do it again, I tried to pin her down, just as I did fifty years ago. Without luck. Sure, she is pretty much a full time carer for her elderly mother, so time is difficult, but offers of dates were always when she was busy, yet I still get messages from her and she asks after my health and what I’m doing and she would like to see the new bike. But when I try to tie her down to a specific arrangement, she eludes me, just as she did fifty years ago. I suspect that is why she never married.
So, yes, That’s why. She is a delightful wraith who will always be just out of reach. I’ve left it with her. If she wants to meet, then fine, but if not, that’s fine too. In the meantime, I still get those messages and I’ve sent her a birthday card this week, just as she sent me one back in May.
Sounds familiar. Not my first love, but definitely the great love of my life, and it’s only been 20-ish years, not 50. Thing is, I don’t really know why we broke up. Everything was sunshine and roses; we seemed made for each other. Until she decided that we weren’t.
“I still get those messages and I’ve sent her a birthday card this week, just as she sent me one back in May.”
I wish I got cards and messages. She’s perfectly friendly when we bump into each other (which we do regularly), but outside of that any communication is always from my side. She’s always “too busy”, too. She’s never asked me to stop, so there’s that (if I thought my attentions were unwelcome I’d back off immediately), but it feels like I’m throwing greetings cards down a black hole sometimes.
To be fair to her, I remember when we were together she’d often tell me that she wasn’t very good at keeping in touch with people, even family, and I know she doesn’t have many close friends. So while it’s not an identical situation, it’s similar, and understandable; I don’t think she bears any ill-will or grudge against me, it’s just the way she is. But yeah, it’s tough.
Ultimately, we lost contact because I moved away. If I hadn’t, we would probably have remained in contact, but the outcome would have been the same. I just don’t think she does relationships.
Yep. Sounds very similar. Good to know it’s not just me who’s found himself in this situation. 🙂
When we met, fifty years just fell away. We were always good together. It’s a shame. A missed opportunity, but it is what it is.
At one time there was a default pathway through life. Go to school. Get a job. Meet a prospective partner. Marry. Get a job for life. Live in a flat or with relatives… until you bought a house. Have a family. Grow them to adulthood, then retire in your 60s.
That default pathway is no longer the default. Jobs for life are rare. Buying houses is even more expensive. And if one of you doesn’t want to marry or remain married then there are acceptable ways out.
On the bright side if your beloved turns out to be unbearable then that is not a lifelong sentence.