2006 Turner Prize

I see the usual dross is being rolled out again in the name of “art” for this year’s annual display of pretentious arse dribble Turner prize.

The work of the four artists nominated for this year’s Turner Prize has gone on display at Tate Britain in London.

And what delights do we have in store from the bright young things this time? Exquisitely executed sculpture? Fine paintings? Anything at all artistic?

Collin’s work also features a film of Turkish people discussing how their lives have been ruined by appearing on reality TV.

Groan. This is not art, it is tea room gossip. Anything else?

Warren’s work includes a neon-lit box of fluff and other rubbish she collected from the floor, which organisers have described as “dirty and dysfunctional” and “strangely melancholic”.

She filled five display cases with bits of fluff, dust, hair, plastic, twigs, woollen pom-poms and a discarded cherry stone.

Exhibition curator Lizzie Carey-Thomas said: “They contain various detritus from in and around the artist’s studio, things she has found on the road.”

“They have emotional and associative resonance, and can communicate meaning.”

Warren, 41, said: “For somebody it could mean one thing and for somebody else it could mean something else.”

Oh my fucking lord… Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse than that vacuous, talentless self-publicist Tracy Emmin (or the truly appalling WBanksy), we get fluff in a box.

Listen closely Lizzie Carey-Thomas, because I shall say this only once… This is not fucking art; it is, literally, rubbish. It does not have “emotional and associative meaning” beyond, perhaps a brief sense of repugnance at the contents of the box and the fuckwittery of people like you. The only meaning it communicates is “put me in the rubbish bin where I belong”.

Of course these people will doubtless write me off as a Philistine. I should care less; I at least can recognise talent and art when I see it – and it isn’t here.

Art requires creative aptitude; an eye for the world around us and an ability to put what we see into form, be it writing, photography, painting or sculpture. Picking up rubbish from the street and displaying it is not art. And the people doing it are not artists. Con artists, perhaps…