It Must be all that Lasagne

Alan Johnson’s “voluntary” “compulsory” thing last week seems to have upset Gordon Brown.

Mr Johnson stunned the Prime Minister and his senior advisers by declaring that holding an identity card would never be compulsory for British citizens.

Stunned, eh? Stunned? Why? Ultimately, there was nothing new – just a few tired old arguments dusted off and cynically wheeled out as if we are stupid enough to believe them.

But, no, the prime mentalist is “stunned”.

The Sunday Telegraph has established that Number 10 had no idea that the Home Secretary would arbitrarily change the previous policy – that ministers would legislate to make ID cards compulsory once a certain proportion of the population held them.

Except that, he hasn’t actually changed anything. If you want or need a designated document – you go on the national identity register; same as before.

If you want or need a designated document, there is no requirement to have a card; same as before.

Mr Johnson’s show of defiance last week came the day after he had attended a private lasagne dinner at Downing Street hosted by Mr Brown and his wife, Sarah, along with several other cabinet ministers.

The dinner – described by insiders as “informal and very friendly” – was part of a charm offensive on the part of the Prime Minister designed to ward off further challenges in the wake of last month’s failed putsch against his leadership.

That’s a “show of defiance”? Blow me, and there was me thinking that he was a typical two-faced cowardly politician with a remarkable lack of vertebrae. Clearly I misjudged him.

Still, is seems that lasagne has been on the menu before:

It came after a similar dinner – also with lasagne on the menu – the previous week, attended by newly promoted cabinet ministers, and will be followed by at least two drinks parties at Number 10 later this month for Labour backbenchers.

Now I do like the odd bit of pasta, but if this is the effect, maybe I should lay off the stuff.

Mr Johnson made his move on Tuesday, a day Number 10 hoped would be dominated by the launch of a schools white paper by Ed Balls, the Education Secretary.

Except, of course, he didn’t actually “make a move”, he simply repeated the tired old spin about it being “voluntary” which in Newspeak, is really “compulsory” but we, the proles, are deemed too ignorant to realise this. What we saw was the same old, same old.

The Home Secretary had been scheduled to make a low-key announcement, abandoning plans for ID card trials at two airports which would have made carrying them compulsory for some pilots and airline staff.

Yup.

After doing so, however, he went much further and declared: “I want the introduction of identity cards for all British citizens to be voluntary.”

Which is pretty much what Charles Clarke announced way back when he was in the hot seat. It’s going to be voluntary. Naturally, if you want to go abroad, you will need a passport, so onto the database you go – and there will be other designated documents as yet undetermined that will mean entry onto the database, so “voluntary” actually means “compulsory”. So, Johnson hardly went “much further”; in fact, he merely reiterated the party line.

A government source said: “Number 10 knew Alan was going to make the airports announcement. But they had no idea he would simply tear up the entire policy as far as compulsory cards were concerned.”

But he hasn’t has he? Want to go abroad? Onto the NIR you go. Want to teach? Onto the NIR you go. Want to work? Onto the NIR you go, these are the plans for compulsion by stealth and that is pretty much what Johnson said in his CiF article. Sooner or later such documents as driving licenses will become designated, thereby forcing more and more people to voluntarily apply. There is no change.

A Labour MP who is a strong supporter of Mr Brown said: “Alan has been behaving a bit strangely since going to the Home Office.”

“He seems to spend a lot of time closeted behind closed doors with his key advisers rather than getting to know the whole department.”

“You hear worrying things from his supporters – that they are going to have another go at Gordon at conference and stuff like that.”

And this, I suspect, is the root of this little briefing – assumed by the Telegraph to qualify as “news”. Once again, there is subterfuge and infighting among the pigs in Animal Farm. It’ll all end in tears.