When did we go from stiff upper lip to wobbly lower one?
A school in Bath is reported to have banned pupils from handing out birthday party invitations at school unless the entire class is on the guest list. Father-of-three Ben Milne explores the social minefield of children’s parties.
It’s one of the big questions for parents of small children. Do you invite the whole class to little Harry or Sophie’s party, or do you face the fall-out?
I saw this nonsense being discussed on breakfast yesterday morning. It managed to get my blood pressure up first thing on a Monday. Two talking heads and the BBC reporters were actually taking this idiocy seriously. We had one of the talking heads stating that not inviting everyone to a children’s party would have “negative impacts on other students”. Jeebus! I recall my school-days. We had birthday parties and invited our friends. We did not invite those who were not our friends and they did not invite us. There were no “negative impacts”.
And, frankly, if there are “negative impacts” then that is a good life lesson. Not everyone finds our company illuminating. Not everyone wants to socialise with us. Sometimes, people even dislike us. That is life. As it happens out there in the real world, learning this lesson at an early stage is no bad thing.
But is it so bad not being invited to parties? Like a lot of not-very-nice, but survivable things in childhood – not being picked for the team, being blamed for something you didn’t do – a snub isn’t nice, but it’s a small but valuable lesson for the hardships life one day throws at you.
Precisely. It is not a minefield, it is not difficult and it really shouldn’t be national news – let alone two facile reporters actually giving it credence and two talking heads wibbling a pile of politically correct bollocks about “negative impacts” (although, I could suggest some well place negative impacts of my own given half the chance).
I mean, a couple of generations ago this is the nation that stood alone against Nazi occupied Europe. Today, we’d get the hankies out and have a weep, because that nice Mr Hitler didn’t invite us to the party…
There’s a place for the wobbly lower lip. The “miinefield” of whom to invite to a children’s party ain’t one of ’em.
My good god….really?
When my children were small and I did Birthday parties there were certain children I was always sure to avoid with a ten foot barge pole, mainly because I did not want my house trashed by ill mannered little tikes with the attitude that they could do WTF they liked with no consequences, and if any of my children expressed a desire to invite one of these little monsters, I would very politely say “well dear who else are you leaving out to accommodate littel X” because one more is one too many I am afraid.
As little X was usually a sympathy vote by one of my children who sadly always considered it a shame little X was so despised this tactic usually worked.
As they got older they of course realised that these children were excluded with very good reason.
This namby pamby attitude stinks, why in gods name should we be expected to invite brats to our houses just so the ill mannered and ill educated parents can continue to make excuses for there little “darlings” appalling behaviour.
Equally if my children were not invited to parties I would explain that most mummies cant have everyone there just is not room so they keep it to special best friends only.
That seemed okay with them as a result they understand the concept of you can’t please all of the people all of the time, and the other old one of there are always going to be people in life we don’t like and don’t get on with.
The Longrider house was filled with blue air on Monday morning. i was spitting flames, frankly. The television was lucky to escape with its life. These morons infuriate me. My parents certainly didn’t want Little “x” trashing the joint either and made no bones about it and were quick to tell us why.
Maybe that’s why I’m an anti-social bastard…
XX Today, we’d get the hankies out and have a weep, because that nice Mr Hitler didn’t invite us to the party…XX
Yes. He DID actualy, on more than one occassion.
Any way, I was GLAD the bastards did not invite me.
From the age of 3 I fucking HATED “kids.”
Well, yes, although “invited” is perhaps putting it strongly 😈
If you’ll forgive the anecdote, I wonder, this being a boarding school, whether the policy was the result of an experience like one I had as a child.
A classmate had a birthday party to which she invited everyone in years 5 and 6, boarders included – except me; the result of some petty playground dispute. The school staff queried this, as I later found out, but were firmly told by the child’s mother that there was no mistake; I was not welcome. So, while everyone else was whisked away in a specially ordered coach, I stayed behind with a friend who had declined the invitation out of solidarity.
It’s not the kind of thing you forget – though I can’t say it caused a ‘negative impact’; I seem to remember we passed a very agreeable afternoon having the playground to ourselves – so it was with some interest that I read, some years after leaving school, that the entire family were now fugitives from justice, having stolen the takings of the business they managed and fled to the Costa del crime with the connivance of their daughter, now a travel agent.
“By their fruits shall ye know them…”
A valuable life lesson learned there, indeed… 😉
Indeed.
On Twitter, we have a hashtag for this: #FirstWorldProblems …
Well I shall go to my grave with the stiff upper lip intact, as I suspect will you any pretty well everybody else over about 40.
Not only do we have child brats, we have teenage brats, 20 year old brats and 30 year old brats. Not all of them of course, but enough to be – how shall I put it – statistically significant.
The thought of an old age at the mercy of an infantilised, petulant and emotionally incontinent populace truly fills me with dread and will make death seem like a release.
In my early youth I remember that I was invited to numerous parties given by the parents of my school acquaintances. I never went to any of them because I disliked the food on offer and the general company which was going to be present.
The invitations declined in number and my satisfaction quotient rose accordingly until I reached the Elysian heights of not being invited at all!
My parents were initially aghast but eventually accepted that I simply did not like parties. I still loathe these sorts of artificial social gatherings.
Surely a more insidious factor, someone, in this case a teacher, who believes they can make the decision about who can enter someone’s home to the extent they must have people there they do not want.
Yes, indeed. However, to some, all property is theft anyway, so it isn’t up to us whom we invite, but the custodians of the greater good.
As the father of a very popular 6 year old daughter I absolutely dread the thought of Little Miss Starship being invited to another bloody birthday party!. True, she has a group of close friends to who’s parties I would expect her to be invited, but she gets invites from kids who we don’t know and who she has no more than a passing acquaintance with. At £5 a pop for a present and a quid for a card it’s expensive enough, but on top of that it takes up hours of my valuable Sunday, making awkward conversation with people I don’t know, hearing nothing but screams echoing around the walls of the playcentre. I watched with relief only yesterday as the parent of a boy I’d never seen before handed out invitations in the playground. My relief was expunged that evening when I saw the invitation pinned to the noticeboard in the kitchen and discovered that I have to spend next Sunday morning in the hell that is Monkey Bizness. Apparently this young lad is struggling a bit with his reading and my daughter sits next to him in reading sessions to help him. Whilst that makes me extremely proud, a thank you would suffice…