I Understand

Huw Edwards on depression.

BBC presenter Huw Edwards has described how during his worst bout of depression he was unable to get out of bed.

I don’t often share personal stuff here and not of such a sensitive nature as a rule. Those of you who have read this blog for any length of time will realise that I was widowed in early 2018. I have struggled with depression ever since. The lockdowns that deprived me of human interaction through work, made matters a whole lot worse and, yes, there were days when all I wanted to do was hide under the duvet. If it hadn’t been for the cats needing feeding, I would probably have done just that. This place also provided an outlet. Getting back to work lifted things slightly. Going out on one of the bikes helps. Writing my novels does, too as does playing the guitar.

Depression is no joke and I still get bouts of it, despite the above. So, yes, I understand what he is talking about. That said, unlike Edwards, I don’t suffer anxiety, just a dreadful gloom.

That said, it’s sunny today and I have a guitar lesson booked… Next week I am off to the TT on the Indian.


  1. I suspect those of us who do not experience depression don’t really understand it except to a limited degree. I have occasional gloomy episodes but I know it isn’t the same. Enjoy the TT.

  2. Well, I woke up Sunday morning
    With no way to hold my head that didn’t hurt
    And the beer I had for breakfast wasn’t bad
    So I had one more for dessert
    Then I fumbled through my closet for my clothes
    And found my cleanest dirty shirt
    And I washed my face and combed my hair
    And stumbled down the stairs to meet the day
    I’d smoked my brain the night before
    On cigarettes and songs that I’d been pickin’
    But I lit my first and watched a small kid
    Cussin’ at a can that he was kicking
    Then I crossed the empty street
    And caught the Sunday smell of someone fryin’ chicken
    And it took me back to somethin’
    That I’d lost somehow, somewhere along the way
    On the Sunday morning sidewalk
    Wishing, Lord, that I was stoned
    ‘Cause there’s something in a Sunday
    Makes a body feel alone
    There ain’t nothin’ short of dyin’
    Half as lonesome as the sound
    On the sleepin’ city sidewalks
    Sunday mornin’ comin’ down
    In the park I saw a daddy
    With a laughin’ little girl who he was swingin’
    And I stopped beside a Sunday school
    Listened to the song they were singin’
    Then I headed back for home
    And somewhere far away a lonesome bell was ringin’
    And it echoed through the canyons
    Like the disappearing dreams of yesterday
    On the Sunday morning sidewalk
    Wishing, Lord, that I was stoned
    ‘Cause there’s something in a Sunday
    Makes a body feel alone
    There ain’t nothin’ short of dyin’
    Half as lonesome as the sound
    On the sleepin’ city sidewalks
    Sunday mornin’ comin’ down
    On the Sunday morning sidewalk
    Wishing, Lord, that I was stoned
    ‘Cause there’s something in a Sunday
    Makes your body feel alone
    There ain’t nothin’ short of dyin’
    Half as lonesome as the sound
    On the sleepin’ city sidewalks
    Sunday mornin’ comin’ down

    • I’ve seen that video before. Not a riff I’ve ever tried. At the moment, I’m doing Ghostriders in the Sky. Now that’s a riff…

  3. When my husband died very suddenly, he was not known to be ill, if it had not been for my four cats I don’t think I would have got out of bed! I don’t think I was depressed, just in shock. I didn’t want to wake up and face what had happened but these four little faces needing fed meant I had to get up and take care of them.

      • I had 12 years to prepare, with the probability of it being soon increasing from ‘probably not’ to ‘any day now’ as time passed.

        Friends helped a lot.

        Then afterwards I broke my carefully installed rule of not making any big decisions or big changes for a twelvemonth.

        While it has all turned out OK, ’twas quite difficult for a while.

  4. I understand too. I lost both my parents over the last couple of years (no, it wasn’t that), and although I’m living there now I can’t afford to keep the house I grew up in. I knew it was coming with my mum (she had Parkinson’s, amongst many other things), but my dad was quite sudden. He seemed fit and healthy, and appeared to be one of those blokes who’d still be charging around in his late 90s. But he went first, and I suppose I didn’t have time to to stop and think too hard about it with my mum’s condition deteriorating (not to mention everything else that was going on in the world). So I thought I was handling it pretty well, considering my history of depression, but a couple of months ago it all just hit me like a train. It felt like I’d lost both of them – and was about to lose the house – all at once. Everything you’ve said makes perfect sense to me. There were a few weeks there when I didn’t get out of bed. Let the phone ring off the hook. Didn’t even eat, some days. I’ve often likened depression to losing a layer of skin: you just can’t face… well, anything, really.

    Anyhow, like yourself, I’m feeling stronger now, but it’s like trying to walk again after an injury; I still feel like I’m hobbling along a bit. On the bright side, that’s the worst I’ve been in many years. Chin up.

    (I’ve always fancied the TT, by the way. Not a biker by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s just a hell of an event.)

  5. @LR

    Regarding the lockdowns, it is difficult to find words that accurately convey my visceral loathing for those responsible. If I had my way, they would be boiled alive in vats of their own piss

    Yes, 100% agree and politicians, civil servants & ‘experts’ around the world knew it was not necessary and ignored the rules. Instead of leading they caved to msm demands with notable exception being now cancelled Sweden. Brazil resisted too along with South Dakota. Florida initially followed then U-turned when De Santis said “I was wrong to lockdown, we were lied to”

    If only Johnson had the strength to do same we’d not be in this economic & health disaster

    What is “Tory” Sunak’s solution? Tax more, Spend more

    I said in Feb 2020 & Mar 2020 Covid-19 was a nothingburger. Most ignored

    I said here in Dec 2020/Jan 2021 the ‘vaccine’ msds showed they would create assymptomatic “Typhoid Mary” spreading. Ignored by all

    I was correct on both

    • I said much the same. Friends, aquaintances and family are slowly acknowledging it. One said recently that he wished he hadn’t followed the herd. I reminded him that I never have. ‘I know,’ he said. ‘You were right.’

    • @LR

      You and rest here ignored my warning “the ‘vaccine’ msds showed they would create assymptomatic “Typhoid Mary” spreading”

      No refuting, but complete silence as if “ignore the troll”

      • No. Not making a comment isn’t ignoring at all. I don’t respond to every single point. I just haven’t looked into this aspect.

  6. @LR
    Wouldn’t it have been better to respond to such a profound statement with:
    – “Interesting, I will look into it” from you or any other commentor ?

    It’s not weak to say “Yes, I should have explored this”, on the contrary it’s strong as Matt Ridley & De Santis have shown by admitting errors

    Where we are now:

    Pandemic of the vaccinated
    “Is this what `success´ looks like?”
    Could it be that Australia´s Covid story has morphed into a pandemic of the vaccinated, asks Ramesh Thakur
    In less than five months so far this year, despite world-leading vaccination rates, their respective Covid mortality tolls were 2.6 times higher for Australia and 18.5 times higher for NZ than in the 22 months until the end of last year.
    If this is vaccine success, what would failure look like?
    —pandemic of the vaccinated across the West

    • Yes, I’ve been aware of this. It was becoming obvious some while ago. I simply don’t have anything to add at this point. I did mention vaccine regret among people I know pointing out that the unvaccinated seem not to be going down with it.

    • Aware of for months, but still avoiding the point

      The Dec 2020 MSDS said, in a circumspect way, the “vaccines” would create asymtomatic spreading.

      When I posted this: Silence. No denial, no acceptance

      Why won’t you and rest rest here simply say ‘I was wrong to ignore warning’?

      Strenth is admitting mistakes, weakness is refusing to and continuing dig deeper

      Comments closed now?

      • I really don’t understand what you want me or others to say here. Asymptomatic spread has always been an aspect of covid. Vaccines don’t stop the spread, ergo, asymptomatic spread among the vaccinated is a logical outcome. Now there is emerging evidence to support it.

        I haven’t ignored any warnings at all. I simply haven’t discussed this aspect, which is not the same thing. That said, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to have done about the warnings anyway. If I’d been vaccinated, it’s too late. As I’ve not been vaccinated it’s not an issue for me. There really is nothing for me to do here. Nor for that matter is there much to say, other than this is another aspect where the sceptics were right all along.

        There is nothing to admit here and there isn’t any digging going on. I’m merely bemused at your insistence that I admit I’m wrong, but as I haven’t discussed the matter there isn’t anything to be wrong about.

      • I’ll make a couple of general points here. If this was at TW’s place, the conversion wouldn’t have gone on this long because he rarely engages below the line. I choose to do so. If I draw it to a close by closing comments, it’s because I’ve grown weary of it when it’s gone beyond its natural time.

        There is another point here. About ten years ago a LibDem blogger became outraged that others of us didn’t comment on a particular story. It involved the police and the death of a bystander at a protest. I’ll say the same here as I said then. I’m not a professional journalist. I do this in what spare time I have. Consequently I discuss things that pique my interest or irritate me enough to rant about them. You cannot draw any conclusions because I haven’t discussed something. Really you can’t.


        You mentioned the issue in your comments. I have nothing to add to them. That’s all there is to it.

Comments are closed.