I love the facile fashion advice dished out by… well… facile fashion journos. Today, it’s advice on sunglasses.
Do I look cool in these? Or do I look a dork?” Every man has to ask this question about his sunglasses. If he has any sense, he’ll make sure that he does it in the shop – with a ruthlessly objective wife, girlfriend, or mate – rather than a week later when the lenses are scratched and he’s blown £150 on eyewear he belatedly realises makes him resemble a low-grade Albanian pimp.
I never realised that there was so much in it. Ever since the eighties, I’ve settled on the classic Ray Ban Aviator. I like the shape, they suit may face and they work. End of. At least, that’s what I thought.
It sounds easy but there’s a major catch: the gap between Steve McQueen embodying cool in his Persols and Alan Partridge embodying a prat in his mirrored shades is an extremely slim one. Which way you end up depends on three key things: your degree of self-confidence, your general dress style and your face shape.
Oh, right. I don’t have a chiselled face. Mine’s sort of heart shaped. I’ll still wear the aviators, though, because I like them. Now…
The self-confidence bit is the most important because it trumps everything. We all have friends who can put on any item of clothing, no matter how ludicrous or outré, and look brilliant. This is because, having no embarrassment or self-doubt, they are able to dress with such infectious conviction that everyone assumes they must know what they’re doing.
Oh, dear… I’ve always had my own dress sense and the willingness to wear whatever I want whenever I want and to hell with what others think. I have never worried about self-confidence and people just accept that my quirky dress sense is, well, just me. And, yes, I do know what I’m doing when I wear a regency style shirt and waistcoat with Levi jeans and western boots. This quality is not valued, though, it seems:
People who do are mostly shallow and worthless and will surely be punished by God in the afterlife, even if in this earthly one they’re destined to have far more sex and fun than we do. So it’s important to choose sunglasses compatible with your general dress style.
That puts me in my place, then. Dunno about the more sex thing – I must have missed that bit… Did I say that the aviator style works well with the regency/western look?
As for trends, Jabolin says that Aviators remain an excellent bet, but that where sunglasses are going is smaller, more intellectual and a bit geeky. “Sunglasses fashions follow clothes fashions, so you need something to go with that high-tailored, slightly gentrified look.”
Yeah, yeah, yeah… I’ll be sticking with the Ray Ban Aviators and slip a leather jacket over the loose shirt and waistcoat. I might just dig out those knee-length boots…