While I share Self’s concern about politicians and their use of the military as personal playthings, his solution sends shivers down my spine.
So, here’s a modest proposal that I think will satisfy everyone the length of the political spectrum: since we require defence against potential aggressors, let us all, collectively, be responsible for it.
Yes, that’s right: Bring back National Service! The cry beloved of the ramrod-straight and the crew-cut is joined by me with all my bohemian heart. Old, young, female, male, straight, gay, industrial chemists, lawyers and even party wonks – let us all do our bit and maintain a citizen army, as the Swiss do, numbering in the many millions.
Great! Make us all the politicians’ playthings, send us all out to fight unnecessary expeditionary wars in some third world hellhole. Brilliant. Not least because we are not the chattels of the state, the state does not own our bodies and enforced servitude of any kind is deeply immoral.
But what, I hear you chorus, about those situations in which we have an incontrovertible duty to intervene even if they don’t present us with an existential threat?
To which argument I can only reply – do you seriously think we would have that much difficulty in mobilising an expeditionary force given a pool of 20 million odd – some, no doubt, very odd – trained personnel?
Great. Can’t wait.
Okay, so Self is being deliberately provocative while at the same time, indulging in some facetiousness as his final paragraph demonstrates. However, he is clearly wrong on all counts. National service died a well deserved death in this country and long may it rest in peace, never to darken our shores again.
XX To which argument I can only reply – do you seriously think we would have that much difficulty in mobilising an expeditionary force given a pool of 20 million odd – some, no doubt, very odd – trained personnel? XX
Glad he mentioned Switzerland, because they are the perfect example of why it does NOT work.
Most Luftwaffe units can not get enough personel together to carry out more than one or two defence/attack missions before the whole thing falls apart due to lack of personel, Panzer regiments are the same. One I did an attachment to, reported that last “Call up”, they could not get ONE Panzer battle ready!
Another unit, stationed in event of war, in the Maginot line like defences around Genf during a “call up” could not find the keys to the “fortress”, and were all sent home until the caretaker was found! (True story!!)
And those are PLANNED, sometimes YEARS in advance “call up exersises”!
It is not that they are not good soldiers, when in the right place at the right time, it is because of the “Fuck the fact we are at war, I must finish that report for the boss. I will get the next train….if the boss has not arranged a compulsory “firms night out”. syndrome.
How about we just fight our own battles.
From defending only our own country from imminent invasion by a foreign force (including EU countries) right to down to defending our own homes from burglars.
Basically, that if you pick a fight we have the absolute right to fight back with necessary (and not equal) force.
That’s not what this is about though, is it. The demand is to fight where, when and how we are told to and not before.
Fuck that. 😐
Major point
The last time around, the miltary want rid of National Service by 1955, or even earlier.
It was the POLITICIANS who insisted it lasted until 1961
Interesting, that.
The last thing a professional military wants is to be babysitting a bunch of half trained malcontents who have been called up against their wishes.
“Yes, that’s right: Bring back National Service! The cry beloved of the ramrod-straight and the crew-cut is joined by me with all my bohemian heart. Old, young, female, male, straight, gay, industrial chemists, lawyers and even party wonks – let us all do our bit and maintain a citizen army, as the Swiss do, numbering in the many millions.”
From this I conclude that Will Self has either served in the military full-time or as a member of the T.A.
But strangely it doesn’t seem to be mentioned on his wiki page or his own site…
Unless of course, by “let us all do our bit” he means “force the little people to do their bit”…
Only possible plus side of Self’s suggestion is that it may force some sort of liberalisation of gun laws, but it probably wouldn’t even manage that.
He doesn’t actually mean any of it, it’s a way of appearing to be a loose cannon, not someone with predictable views that sort of thing, he has to maintain his reputation as an enfant terrible somehow, now that he’s knocking on a bit.
The only possible way this would be a good idea would be if everyone, EVERYONE had to do it – because then the great and good would have to think carefully before throwing the troops into places like Afghanistan.
But you just know, don’t you, that the children of the great and good would either be completely exempt, or would be guaranteed cosy billets in air-conditioned offices miles behind the lines.
So yes, Will Self can take the sex and travel option.