Microchips could be installed in urinals to spy on your wee, a minister has suggested.
It might sound bizarre, but it could ease pressure on the NHS by identifying potential diseases in people’s urine.
Health secretary Steve Barclay compared the toilet plan to sharing information on Facebook or Instagram.
I don’t know what to say that I have not said so many times before over the past couple of decades when faced with this kind of behaviour from politicians.
Hang them. Hang them all.
I would say evil bastard this time. More like a fruitcake with a tenuous grip on reality. The story made me think of an item on, I think, the Radio 4 Now Show. It was about a remote public convenience that had lighting powered by electricity that was generated from urine. When it was explained that this involved electrodes and some kind of chemical reaction, all the males expressed disappointment that it didn’t involve peeing on a little turbine that would drive a tiny dynamo.
Well that’s the way a battery works, two electrodes of dissimilar metals submerged in a mild acid. A lemon with one iron and one copper nail driven in will power a small radio. That reminds me of the “Baghdad Battery”, which would produce a tiny voltage which could be used for small electroplating tasks, but the device was actually a scroll holder.
Mission creep would strike swiftly. Detecting disease quickly seems a positive measure – but how would the results be shown. Big display screen ‘You have a Venereal Disease’, or ‘You are eating too much fat’, or possibly liking the results to a credit card that you have to swipe before you pee?
And then the hectoring messages would start… Your health is at risk and you need to address the issue before you need the NHS. When really the message is that the NHS is so piss poor (see what I did there?) that they will find any way to make their problems your problems.
And so to avoid all the furore I could see many men taking a wee in the wild, causing more problems again.
Then they could create a new crime of fly pissing and it would doubtless be an excuse for CCTV in all sorts of weird places.
And I’m sure they would recruit an army of piss police, suitably “diverse” of course. They would track down white men and any such even just walking in the country for example would be suspect. The “diverse” would shit and piss where and when they like, “culture innit”.
It’s about time the calendar was changed. I reckon this year is about 10BC (beyond clownworld)
I think you have a good idea, jobs could be created for sample collectors to deliver to Gestapo headquarters for analysis. I would certainly apply, it would be great being paid to take the piss, actually I am so excited about this that I have peed in my pants.
The reality, as in fly tipping nowadays, is that the owner of the land would be made responsible for the fly pissing and failing to prevent it, and then fined.
Pissing our money up a wall?
By the same bunch who brought you Track and Trace and We Need Billions of Ventilators.
If Steve Barclay is so interested in other people’s piss perhaps someone should throw a pint of it in his face?
I heartily agree LR, hang ’em.
I always found the wording of the death sentence intriguing: …you shall be hanged by the neck until you are dead…
Apparently, it was not unusual to be sentenced to hanging that didn’t involve death, centuries ago, sometimes by the ankles or wrists, sometimes by a single ankle or wrist. Leave them strung up for two or three days, dangling by a wrist, soiling themselves, very unpleasant.
Perhaps we should re-introduce these punishments for ‘lesser offenders’ like Barclay and reserve the full Pierrepoint for Hancock, Blair, Bojo and scores of other assorted vermin.
“Hanged by the neck until you are dead”
Wasn’t this because prior to this hanging wasn’t supposed to be terminal as that would have spoiled the drawing and quartering
I can live with drawing and quartering, frankly. It seems that the people who go into politics have a perverse obsession with interfering in our lives. No one wants to just leave us alone.
No! You just know some sneaky bar steward lawyer will get the drawing and quartering to run concurrently with the hanging.
That’s what I said Mark, not always by the neck either.
Put it on Pay Per View. Make enough to cover the deficit.
As far as I was told many years ago, the phrase “Hanged by the neck until you are dead”, meant that if the defendant survived the hanging, he would be hung again and again until he didn’t. Without that wording the defendant would have to be tried again for the same crime, which they could not do, since he had already been convicted and the sentence carried out. Having said that, I did hear of one guy who survived 3 hangings and ended up being set free. I don’t know the validity of that story, unless there was a limit on how many times they were allowed to hang someone.
Do I misunderstand or is this aimed at only half the population? Seems a bit sexist?
I do recall, many years ago, dropping off flagons of my pregnant wife’s wee at the maternity ward so they could monitor medical ‘things’.
“Do I misunderstand or is this aimed at only half the population?”
The other half merely need to identify as male, and they can use the gents – problem solved!
I would be very disappointed in my fellow Englishmen if we didn’t all take to pouring vinegar,olive oil and turps into these bogs.
Nitromors paint stripper works wonders, it dissolves plastic, scars stainless steel and damages glaze. However if these piss troughs are anything like the ones at work, there’s nothing to worry about because all the piss will be on the floor. Its almost impossible to take a leak at work without having to navigate the piss lake. Some kind soul tries to clean it up by nicking all the shit rolls out of the traps and unraveling them onto the floor.