Idiots

While I’ve always smiled along with Jeremy Clarkson as he says what a diplomatic man might not, I’ve never felt inclined to rush to visit his farm shop or his latest exploit.

A furious punter has slammed Jeremy Clarkson’s new pub, The Farmer’s Dog, after joining several others who stormed out in frustration, Express Online can exclusively reveal.

Clarkson’s Farm fan Billy and his wife Emma drove almost three hours from Southend in Essex to visit the new hotspot only to be left “livid” and declaring “I will never go back.”

Billy told how he stood in line for 30 minutes amongst a long queue of people all waiting to get in. As the pair got to the front of the queue, they heard murmurs from other people waiting in line as people began leaving the queue.

Eventually, an angry customer informed him there was a small sign by the entrance of the pub that read: “Due to maintenance we are only able to serve bar snacks today.”

I’d file this under ‘shit happens.’ These sorts of glitches happen when starting a new enterprise. I wouldn’t travel across the country to rush to be among the first – partly because of teething problems and partly because I detest the madding crowd.

He further blasted the pub as “underwhelming before admitting he will “never go back.”

“After all that, it’s a very ordinary pub. Very average, I was totally underwhelmed. It wasn’t just me, several people in line just walked off furious as well. I definitely will not be visiting again, I’m livid,” he fumed.

It’s a country pub. What did you expect? Dancing girls? Twat.

8 Comments

  1. It seems to me that everyone in that queue was a bloody idiot. Going to an ordinary pub and queueing for hours to get in just because it is owned by a celeb. Presumably the same kind of people who queue for a new iPhone.

  2. From Southend so would l be right in thinking The Farmer’s Dog didn’t have enough chrome, plastic or loud music for this moaners taste?
    For the benefit of those more used to Witherspoons and their ilk – the best country pubs have lots of wood and sometimes bare brick interiors, are often dimly lit with little or no ‘piped’ music and the popular beers will be flat, warm and actually taste like beer. If you are lucky the view and general surroundings will be spectacular and the atmosphere will leave you feeling refreshed, renewed and at peace by the time you leave.
    Not what everyone is looking for but I love them.

  3. If you’re really lucky finding a country pub there may well be a sign or three advising customers that they are entering, or in, a pub, not an international communications hub, so leave the bloody phone somewhere or switch it off it’s surgically attached to the wrist.

    You couldn’t pay me enough to visit Clarkson’s new pub or his farm shop, nothing against the bloke as such just celeb types and the places they haunt i find are best avoided.

  4. Even if I did want to drive a long distance to visit Clarkson’s pub I would wait for the queue to die down – unless I had a very short time to live.
    (If visiting Clarkson’s pub is something that someone terminally ill has high on their bucket list, I would be surprised).

  5. Aye,right. If it had not been for those unintended mishaps Billy with his mates would have been popping in every evening. With Billy no doubt being the designated driver.

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