To be found in the Guardian, of course.
I don’t think I’ve ever made a new year resolution. But this year I’m going to stop telling people that I don’t eat meat. It’s not that I do eat meat – I don’t. The thing is, when I tell people that I don’t eat meat, I’m saying it to be polite. I use that form of words because I don’t want to offend people. So, from now on I’m going to be more honest. I’m just going to tell people that I don’t eat animals.
How about no one gives a flying one about what you eat? The only reason we know you are a vegan is because you have told us. Like most vegans. No one cares. Really they don’t eat or don’t eat whatever you want. Just don’t bore the rest of us with it. The reason you want to be more ‘honest’ has nothing to do with honesty and everything with looking down your nose at others and attempting to impose your moral superiority.
Go fuck yourself. And when you’ve done it, fuck off and go fuck yourself somewhere else – preferably where we cannot hear your whining.
You’ll notice that that is one of those pieces on which the Graun does not enable comments. Probably because they are aware that plenty of people would comment on what a sanctimonious and self-righteous twat the writer is.
I don’t eat spinach, but the only people that I tell this to are waiters/waitresses when I order my lunch.
I have no need to tell anyone else.
Indeed. Because he is.
I do eat animals. To paraphrase Al Murray (because I can’t be arsed to look up his exact words): it’s not personal, he’s made of meat and I’m hungry.
I don’t eat meat and I don’t eat animals is just saying the exact same statement using a different word. I seriously don’t get what point is being made here. I’ve never done new year’s resolutions, if there is something that I’m doing and think that maybe life would be better if I didn’t do it, I would just stop doing it straight away, why wait until new year? Thinking about it, it’s hard to come up with examples, I’m settled in my ways and haven’t been doing stupid or undesirable things for years now.
The whole article is such a non-event that I find myself wondering whether Zephaniah forgot that some high-up at the Guardian had signed him up for a seasonal column and, when they reminded him of the fast-approaching deadline, he just put down the first thing that came into his head.
Since it would be sacrilegious, in Guardian terms, to question anything written by the great man, it would, of course, be nodded past all the editorial stages and fast-tracked straight to publication.
If I was forced by a deadline to write a take on the concept of the New Year’s Resolution, my take would have been the swimming pool at the gym being invaded by the resolutionaries every January. For a short time the pool is infested with over enthusiastic shit swimmers getting in everyone’s way. The upside is that they lose interest between three and six weeks later and, since they have signed up for a year of membership, they subsidise the gym for the rest of us for the rest of the year. How’s that for smug humble bragging?
I once lived in a pub and was cooking bacon, when the landladys fat sister came in and asked if I knew I was eating a bit of animal flesh
I responded by saying, Calling it that does not make it any less tasty
She didn’t bother me about it again
Who the hell wants to date a woman who refuses to eat sausage every now and again?