1. An elderly Jewish woman invited her friend to her New York apartment building. She explained to her, with your elbow ring the bell when you arrive, then use your other elbow to open the door when I buzz you in, then the elevator, use your elbow again and with your knee let the door close slowly while pressing the floor button with your right elbow.

    Now what is this elbow business about, asked the friend.

    —well, came the reply, you wouldn’t be coming with empty hands now would you?

  2. I flew Pafos >>> Gatwick with BA last month, they announced pre-flight that there was somebody on board that had a nut allergy and could the entire plane of people therefore avoid eating nuts…

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